Ring Shopping

When last I wrote, you learned all about my wonky hands and a bit about my struggles with ring- wearing while pregnant. What I didn't confess to you at the time, but am now willing to divulge, is that the wedding ring I currently wear is a fake. FAKE!!! False, bogus, phony, fakety-fake fake fake!

While I was pregnant with my youngest, my hands swelled and made it impossible for me to put on my wedding ring. Unfortunately, after my baby was born, the sausage-like expansion of my ring finger made it difficult for me to wear my wedding band on any finger but my pinkie. Since that would look ridiculous, as I am not a member of the mafia, I decided the next best alternative was to head on over to amazon.com and find the classiest fake diamond ring my money could buy. With a whopping $30 budget and the only qualification that it had to come in a size 10 — I know! — I began my hunt. After an extensive search wherein I realized that almost every woman in the world wears a ring at least four sizes smaller than what I needed, I finally found a few decent options to choose from.

$29 and two days later (thanks, Amazon Prime!), my tarnish free rhodium plated sterling silver band with a clear, brilliant cut cubic zirconia ring arrived.

When I pulled it out of the box, I was relatively satisfied that it did not look any cheaper in person than it did in the pictures. I chose to overlook the fact that one of the small accent "diamonds" was missing, since clearly I got what I paid for. Nevertheless, I slid it on my chubby little hand and rejoiced in the fact that I no longer had a naked left ring finger.

Now here's the part that's a bit embarrassing... I frequently get compliments on my ring. I've never known how to handle these comments because on the one hand, if I simply say "thank you" I feel like I'm being deceitful, but if I point out that it is indeed fake, I feel like I'm insulting the taste of the complimenter (like, "you're so dumb that you can't tell a real diamond from a cheap knock-off"). I usually just try to change the subject as quickly as possible so as to avoid any more awkwardness.

It's been four years and my fake ring is showing signs of wear. Once I tried to clean it using jewelry cleaner, but it started to literally disintegrate the moment I dipped it in the chemicals. Luckily with a little buffing, I saved it from an untimely demise, but from that point on I knew that the only way my ring could get cleaned was when I washed my hands. ("Rhoduim plated sterling silver" can withstand water, so it seems). I bought for my husband a watch as a gift last Christmas, and while I was there the jeweler offered to clean my ring "for free" — I was mortified and declined as politely as I could. Handing my $29 ring over to a jeweler for closer inspection was obviously not an option.

As it turns out, my original wedding ring fits me once more, and the size 10 phony ring falls off my finger. So why, you ask, am I still wearing the fake? It's simple: my old ring is busted (from being sized up and down too many times, remarkably), a prong is loose, and frankly I don't really like it. [Gasp! The Horror! How can your husband still love you after a statement like that?!] It's true, I said it, I don't love my wedding ring.

What I am about to write will come as no shock to my husband, so there's no need for you to worry about the state of our marriage after this post gets published. When Scott and I were at that point in our relationship where marriage was discussed and we were "unofficially engaged," he asked me what kind of ring I would like. At the time I thought it was tacky for a girl to pick out her own ring (silly, naive, judgmental little old me), so I gave Scott a few guidelines and wished him luck. [Looking back, this was probably the first of many times in our relationship that I later learned my husband could not, in fact, read my mind]. When the time came for him to present me with my ring, Scott, bless his heart, gave me exactly what I asked for, which means I clearly wasn't specific enough.

The ring was simple (what I said I wanted), a diamond solitaire (perfect), set on a thick gold band (uh oh). Here's what Scott couldn't have know but what I would have realized if I'd tried it on before he bought it: the ring, though lovely, made my finger look like an overdressed bratwurst. Thick band + fat finger = bad news. It's not that I hated it, I just felt really self-conscious about the girth of my finger. But I wore it for years, had it sized up and down each time I had a baby, and was generally content with the effort that Scott made to pick out something like I said I wanted. But after my last pregnancy, due to the reasons listed two paragraphs ago, I put my ring in a safe place and the rest you already know.

A few months ago, Scott said the most beautiful words I always longed to hear: "Darling, why don't you get your diamond re-set?" Turns out, he's not a fan of my amazon.com special. He loves me and wants me to be happy, so it doesn't really bother him that my original setting isn't working for me anymore. He wants me to stop wearing a CZ and start wearing the lovely diamond he scrimped and saved to buy me 12 years ago with his hard earned money. (Oh, have I ever told you about how I had established a "ring fund" for myself when I started college? I tucked away part of my wages from each of my random jobs, put it in a savings account, and planned to present it to my future hubby when ring shopping time arrived. I figured that whatever my soon-to-be hubby could afford, I'd probably want something that cost a little more, so my slush fund could make up the difference. See, I was such a catch!).

So here's where I need your help. You see, I'm in the market for a new ring setting, and I want your opinion. What is it you love about your ring? What, if anything, don't you like about your ring? (Don't worry, I won't tell your husband). I'm excited to pick out something new, but feel overwhelmed at all of the choices out there. Tell me what to buy, would ya?