Mailbox Surprise

Many months ago, in January '08 to be precise, I did something impulsive. Those who know me well know that I have a [mildly inappropriate] crush on a certain teen heartthrob. So, I thought to myself, wouldn’t it be fun if I could get said heartthrob to send an autographed picture to someone who wouldn't be considered too old for this kind of thing, my sweet 7 year-old daughter? I wrote a quick, non-stalkerish note, enclosed a picture of Aubree and a self-addressed stamped envelope, and sent it off to an address I may or may not have found on a fan site. Whatever.

So, since I do in fact have a life, I’d completely forgotten about this adorable little whim until yesterday, when – 11 months after the fact – an envelope addressed to my daughter in my handwriting showed up in the mail. Imagine my surprise and giddy delight at the following picture which the envelope contained.





Unfortunately, there are a couple of problems with this otherwise fantastic and completely unexpected parcel:

1. I didn’t think to get one for my 5 year-old, Clara. This is not good. Clara MUST have everything that Aubree has, and more. I do not know how to solve this particular dilemma, apart from taking a black marker and adding Clara’s name to the picture. But since that would severely damage the authenticity of this precious keepsake, it cannot be done.

2. I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable letting my daughter have a picture of Zac Efron feeling himself up.

The other real problem: the immature part of me that did this whole thing in the first place is now scheming to get autographed pictures from other celebrity crushes. That’s bad, right?

5 things

Today you will learn five things that you would only know about me if you'd been a friend of mine in high school:

1. I kissed A LOT of frogs before I found my prince.

Not sure how much I can elaborate on this one. Needless to say, I was a little boy-crazy in my younger days. When I met my husband, I discovered that he was (and is) the perfect combination of all the qualities that my old boyfriends lacked. I'm a lucky girl.

2. I used to be platinum blonde. No lie.

Not only that, but I had a custom CA license plate that read "IMBLOND". Looking back, I'm not entirely sure why I was so eager to advertise that fact. I'm thinking it was a desperate ploy for attention.

3. Senior year, my typical breakfast was a 48 oz. cherry coke that I would consume during 1st period AP English.

Several times a week, on my way to school from seminary, I would stop at "Freshhh Donuts" on Third Street to get my drink. The owners knew me by name.

4. I worked at a Brew Pub.

As a hostess for the restaurant section. Many of my most interesting high school experiences can in some way or another be tied to that job. Met my first love there. Worked as the "weenie girl" (hot dog vendor) for Monday Night Football. Somehow ended up one of 3 girls at a party with the entire UCR baseball team. Good times...

5. I liked to ditch school.

In my defense, I still managed to graduate with honors. But by senior year, especially after the college acceptance letters had rolled in, there wasn't much to keep me from the occasional lazy day at the beach. And then there was the time I ditched so I could go on a date with a college guy who I'd lied to when I told him I was in college too. That whole situation didn't end well.

So, did you learn anything new? Are you thoroughly shocked? I look back on my youth and can't help but be grateful that I grew up and somehow managed to become a grounded and responsible adult. For the most part.

Arachniphobe

I am not a fan of spiders.

While I imagine most people feel this way, I think I've got a very legitimate reason for my spider abhorrence: they are out to get me. For real. They wait until I am at my most vulnerable before they strike. Well, strike might not be the right word to use since I've never actually been bitten by a spider. But they taunt me nonetheless - it's a slow form of torture. Let me share with you two stories that will prove my point:

#1 - One fine Saturday morning when I was about 17, I woke up late and lingered in bed until, at last, I opened my eyes. I then beheld a thick web spun between the spindles of my daybed and the wall. Perched in the middle, about 12 inches from my face, was a large and menacing wolf spider. Words cannot describe the panic I felt. Then came a feeling of horror as I realized just how long that spider must have been there to build a web that substantial. I then considered how close he was to my face. I wondered if he'd taken a path across my pillow to get there.... Thank goodness for my dad who, as head of household and father to 4 girls, had no choice but to eradicate spider threats in our home. My room smelled like Raid for a week.

#2 - The summer after I graduated from high school I traveled to Italy, where I stayed with a very dear friend for two fun-filled weeks. Though my suitcase hadn't made it past Newark, I arrived on time and jet lagged. What I needed most was a nap and a shower. Perhaps it was my groggy state that kept me from noticing - until after I had showered - the voyeuristic spider perched by the towels. I'm not sure what kind of spider he was, but I know he was about the size of a small shampoo bottle. And he was looking at me. I took a picture of him right before he died:

I've had other encounters with spiders in the shower. More than I'd like to count actually. They wait for me there, lurking. I had my husband do routine shower "spider inspections" the summer we lived in a basement apartment. One morning he failed - I found three spiders waiting for me when I got in.

So, now you know why I am anti-spider. This is why, when I see a spider crawling across the floor, I trap it under a cup and wait for Scott to get home to kill it.


Just looking at the picture at the top of this post makes me cringe.

Rock On

I'm a list maker. It's just part of who I am. So, today I give you a list of the concerts I've been to. These are in no particular order.

NKOTB

Michael Bolton (w/ Celine Dion as his opening act!!!)
Erasure ***most bizarre show ever***

The Jets

Harry Connick Jr.
Indigo Girls

Oingo Boingo (twice, including their final performance ever)

REM

Marie Osmond

Live

Weezer

The Skeletones (4 times - I was not a groupie!)

Dave Matthews Band

Better Than Ezra ***best concert ever***

Billy Joel

Neil Young

toad the wet sprocket (twice)

Ben Folds Five

Squirrel Nut Zippers

Big Head Todd & the Monsters

Dance Hall Crashers

Primus

Unwritten Law

Del Amitri

KROQ's 1st Annual Weenie Roast and Sing Along featuring:

Terence Trent D'Arby
X
Dramarama
Gin Blossoms
Stone Temple Pilots
Lemonheads
The The
The Posies
Rocket From the Crypt

That's it, I think. Not bad for a 30 year-old girl who grew up in So Cal, huh? I have great stories to tell about a few of these - but some things are better left unpublished, in my opinion.

p.s. If you tell anyone about the New Kids concert, I will deny it.

My celebrity boyfriends...

I am fortunate. I married a man with an amazing amount of self-assurance. Scott doesn't have a jealous bone in his body - which means I am free to indulge in some celebrity crushes without hurting his feelings or making him feel threatened. So, without further ado, I provide for you a list of my celebrity boyfriends:

1. Tiger Woods - Shall I list the qualities that make him an ideal candidate for my #1 celebrity boyfriend? Um, he's hot. And built. And the best in the world at what he does. Plus, he's a family man. Only true devotion would cause me to be excited about watching golf on tv. I DVR'd the U.S. Open so I could watch it again. That's what good girlfriends do. Plus, Scott tells me that if I ever get the chance to run off with Tiger Woods, he'll gladly be the rebound guy for Tiger's swedish wife. I think it's a fair trade.

2. Joshua Jackson - Two words: Pacey Whitter. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then how sad for you. I love me some Josh Jackson. Who cares if he's dating the chick from National Treasure? I know he'd leave her for me.

Okay, this one's a little embarassing...

3. Zac Efron - I know, I know. He's 10 years younger than I am. He wears his hair in his face when it would look so much better combed back. He likes to sing and dance. I recognize that this is a totally inappropriate crush, but I just can't help myself. If I were a preteen, I would have pictures from Bop magazine of this guy plastered all over my bedroom walls. But I'm not 12 - I am a responsible adult. Who has seen HSM and Hairspray more times than I can count. I am not ashamed. Okay, maybe just a little.

They say all bad things happen in threes...

Here's my proof. In the month of July, the following delightful events occurred:

1. July 8th - Scott gets a flat tire on the Tollway while headed to the airport. We soon realize that all of the tires on his car are crap and need to be replaced. Total cost: $400

2. July 16th - Mid-morning I discover that the fridge in our garage shut off the day before. All of the food contained therein had been sitting, unrefrigerated/unfrozen in our hot garage in the middle of July. What a mess! Melted popsicles and ice cream, spoiled and foul-smelling meat, frozen food thawed and warm. Gross! Total food loss and replacement cost: ~$250

3. July 28 - After noticing that a couple of evergreen shrubs in our yard were browning, we consult a "tree doctor" and discover that all of the evergreen shrubs and trees in our yard (approx. 30) are infested with bagworms. Without treatment, every tree will die. A few already cannot be saved. Cost for treatment: $225; Cost to replace dead trees: who knows?

The bright side?

1. Costco really does have great deals on tires and there is a store located conveniently close to the airport.
2. The fridge is not broken, it just became unplugged somehow.
3. Most of the trees can be saved and the disgusting little bagworms will die.
4. This is why we save money for an emergency (or three).

Shall we begin?

I have succumbed.

Always one to be on the cutting edge of new trends, I've discovered this ingenious thing called "blogging". I really think once people discover I'm doing it, blogging will totally catch on. Just you wait...

But first, who are you anyway? Why anyone would want to read my rants is beyond me - hence the title of this blog. But you, mystery blog lurker, are reading this right now. By choice.

I hope you find my musings more interesting than I do.