a little ray of sunshine

It's been a rough couple of weeks:

• I caught a serious cold Thanksgiving weekend that still lingers, even two weeks later. Colds seem so harmless until you get one and remember just how awful they can be. Crappy sleep, fatigue, sinus pressure, painful sore throat, uncontrollable coughing -- all no fun. Getting sick at the onset of the holidays is not ideal. My natural inclination to plan ahead and be super-organized has been thwarted by the overriding need to get what little rest I can. Thus, though my shopping is almost done, I haven't even begun to work on my Christmas cards, mail packages, wrap gifts, or plan my holiday baking schedule. One silver lining, though, is that by some miracle, no one else in my family has gotten sick (knock on wood).
• What little energy I do have is being consumed by the Christmas Breakfast being held this weekend, for ~350 people, that I am co-in-charge of. I am co-responsible for feeding and entertaining a whole heap of folks. One interesting lesson I've learned during the past few months of planning: everyone has an opinion about how things should be done, and no two opinions are the same. In other words, it's impossible to please everybody. Also, making changes from the way things were done in the past -- even when done with a lot of thought, prayer, and the best of intentions -- will cause backlash that requires very thick skin.   
• Guess what decided to die last week? No, not the beta fish that has lived, despite total neglect, for almost 4 years in a bowl on our kitchen counter. Our furnace! If you're keeping track, which I know you aren't, that means that in the past 18 months we've had to replace our air conditioner, hot water heater, and furnace. And who doesn't want to spend thousands of dollars on fancy home upgrades no one will ever see and will only notice if it stops working? Home-ownership demands so much more than just a mortgage payment. I love my home, and am grateful for the comfort it provides, but I wouldn't mind a break from having to tap into our "rainy day" savings quite so often.

The little ray of sunshine in what can only be classified as a trying couple of weeks, came in the form of this movie preview, recently released:

I feel better now.

Oh, and I promise Part 2 of my Australian adventure will be posted at some point this month. Try to contain your excitement.

In the meantime, why don't you tell me what you would do to entertain 350 people who don't want to participate in anything and would much rather just talk to their friends? I've considered forcing folks to do all sorts of awkward skits, getting-to-know-you games, or relays (because the pass-the-orange-from-neck-to-neck game would be hilarious). What do you think?

What a headache...

I've decided that it's time for me to have a brain transplant, because my head is clearly broken. I've spent the last four days battling a nasty migraine, and I'm still not sure if I can declare victory at this point.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. First, we should probably talk about what constitutes a migraine. I can only write from my own experience, and refer to basic headaches not of the sinus/tension/vision variety. Also, I should let you know that I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. I don't like going to the doctor, so I definitely have a suffer-through-the-pain-and-hope-the-problem-goes-away mentality. That said, having been a headache-prone individual all my life, I classify them thusly:

Headache -- a dull ache that is annoying and painful, but you can still go about your daily routine. You can usually get rid of it by taking two extra-strength Tylenol and drinking a diet coke. Sometimes all you need is something to eat and a tall glass of water.

Intense headache -- a strong ache that is not easily gotten rid of. You can still function, but the ache in your head is ever-present and quite irritating. After trying all the above methods of pain relief, it may also help to get some rest and sleep it off. But often, these intense headaches are just a preamble to a...

Migraine -- a debilitating headache that stops you in your tracks. Your head feels like it's caught in a clamp that's being squeezed tighter and tighter. The agonizing pressure is at the front of your head, just above your eyes. Everything hurts. Light hurts, sound hurts, muscles ache, the thought of eating anything is out of the question because you feel extremely nauseous. Throwing up is not uncommon. All you can do is turn off all the lights, shut yourself away from any sound, curl up in the fetal position, apply pressure to your forehead (sounds counter-intuitive, but it's what works for me), force down some prescription meds and pray that it will go away.

When you have a migraine, you are in bare-minimum, basic survival mode. If you are able to have a normal phone conversation, watch TV, text your friends, update your facebook status, post on your blog, or surf the web, you do not have a migraine. You can't think of anything beyond "Make it stop!" There is no way to "power through" it. Honestly, it feels like your body is revolting against you. Plans are canceled, kids are left to fend for themselves, and life is put on hold while you try to make it go away.

Migraines often come at times most inconvenient. I've had migraines appear on Christmas, at Disneyland, during romantic getaways (insert your "not tonight, honey, I have a headache" joke here). Migraines don't discriminate.

It was about 6 years ago that my headaches really began to get out of control. I was having intense headaches several times a week, I had a preschooler and a toddler at home with me, and I was struggling. I got my eyes checked and ruled out any kind of connection between my headaches and my eyesight. My doctor recommended I get a CT scan, as a precaution. The results showed an abnormality in my brain. While that wasn't the most promising news, in a way I was relieved because I had hope that there was at least an explanation for what was going on. I was advised to have an MRI, and I did. Here's a tip for those of you who may someday need to go in for a brain scan: don't wear a thin white shirt to your appointment. They make you remove all metal from your body, including your underwire bra, and they keep the room with the machine in it very cold. While you are lying perfectly still with your head strapped to a contraption and placed inside a large tube, you really shouldn't have to worry about indecent exposure.

The good news: the results of my MRI showed that while I have an abnormal skull/brain, there was no sign of of a tumor or anything problematic. The bad news was that I was no closer to figuring out the cause of my headaches. I was referred to a Neurologist who helped me get a grasp on the mysteries of migraines. My understanding is that while there are certain identifiable triggers -- diet, stress, monthly cycle, lack of sleep -- the actual cause of migraines is unknown. Thankfully, there are many medications that can help migraine sufferers, and I've had to try quite a few.

I got my headaches under control and then became pregnant with my youngest child. One of the few perks of pregnancy for me is that the headaches seem to go dormant. I was uncomfortable in every other possible way, but at least I was headache free!

But like most problems that you think you've overcome, my headaches came roaring back a couple of years ago. Most often, my migraines arrive in the wee early hours of the morning. I'll wake up at 2:00am with a headache that is so intense it roused me from my sleep to make itself known. Sometimes I'll even be dreaming that I have a headache before I wake up and realize that it's not just a dream. I stumble out of bed, fight off the urge to puke, hunt for my medicine, force myself to swallow some down, crawl back in bed, then pray that I can fall back asleep and wake up headache free. Other times, it is so subtle at first, and comes on during the day so gradually, that I don't realize it right away, mistake it for a milder headache, treat it with the wrong cocktail of medicines, and then by nightfall it's in full blown migraine mode.



Though I get migraines less frequently than I used to (it's once or twice a month now), they are the worst they've ever been. In the past 96 hours I've endured a most persistent headache, and have used the following drugs in an effort to get rid of the pain:

4 Excedrin Migraine
3 Advil
2 extra-strength Tylenol
2 Imitrex
3 promethazine

It just doesn't want to go away. I'll think I've got it beat, and then it comes back. Twice in the past four days I have been pulled from sleep, once at 2:30am and the other at 4:45am, with my head feeling like it might explode. My week was wasted. At this point, I've been headache free for 12 hours. Wish me luck that I might finally have knocked this one out.


Sorry this isn't a very funny or witty post. For whatever reason, I've felt for awhile now like I needed to write about what it's like to live and cope with migraines. I know I'm not the only one who gets them. I'm curious to know if what I described is what others experience. So tell me, fellow bloggers and possible migraine sufferers, does my description sound familiar, or are your headaches different than mine? What is it like for you?

Murderer's Thumbs

There was a cute boy who lived in my building while I was in college. Okay, to be honest, there were many cute boys who lived in my building - I even married one of them - but it is one particular boy who I am remembering today as I prepare to write this post. We were hanging out in his apartment, having one of those casual, surreal conversations about what qualities we were looking for in our future spouse, when he mentioned how important "nice hands" were to him. It was at that point when I hid mine from view and realized he and I were not meant to be. [Looking back, that guy was super lame. Of all the qualities you want/need in a spouse, "nice hands" really shouldn't matter, right?]

You already know about my feet, but it's time I let you in on a little secret, which, if you've ever taken a good look, you already know... I've got wonky hands. My fingers are short and stubby, my nails are weak, and my thumbs are bizarre. When I was pregnant, my hands swelled up so much that my fingers looked like little sausages. Once my wedding ring stopped fitting, I insisted on going to a mall jewelry store to get a plain, cheap gold band to wear so as not to look like an unwed swollen mass. The ring I bought was a men's band, size 12. SIZE 12!!!! By the end of my last pregnancy, even that didn't fit. Fun fact (and reason #57 for why I have no desire to ever be pregnant again): I retained so much water in my last pregnancy that after my son was born, the excess liquid in my body trying to escape caused me to get water blisters all over my hands and feet. It was absolutely as horribly uncomfortable as it sounds. For a mother of a newborn recovering from a c-section, it was a nightmare.

Anyway, all that was to say my hands are wack. And like my feet, my hands have been the subject of my family's musings all my life. Of all my siblings, I am the only one with mutant feet. But with our hands we share a common bond, because 3 out of the 5 of us got some form of odd fingers. Mine are the worst, naturally, but I have a brother and one sister who also suffer from strange digits. When we were all together for a family reunion this past summer, we sat around and laughed about our hands (then everyone pointed and laughed at my feet). It was my affected sister who sent out a family email recently which seriously made my life:

To: my family
From: my sister, Amy (who we affectionately call "Amo")
Subject: Our thumbs explained...

I was talking to a friend the other day when she noticed my thumbs. "You have that dwarf thumb syndrome thing!" she exclaimed. (She's very sweet but not always super tactful). So I decided to get to the bottom of the "Grant thumb" issue. For those of us who have been blessed with one or two of these delightful looking digits, we technically have "clubbed thumbs." The scientific term is Brachydactyly type D (or BDD), although the condition is also known as "murderer's thumb" (fabulous). It's a genetic condition that's actually fairly common. You might also like to know that at least one movie star reportedly has this condition - Megan Fox.

I don't know about you, but I'm ready to OWN my thumbs. No more refusing to share the hymn book with my fellow relief society sisters! No more hiding my thumbs under the plate when handing Christmas goodies to my neighbors! Join me fellow "clubbers!" Say it out loud - I have clubbed thumbs and I'm proud!!!

Wanna join the "club?"
Amo

Never in my life had I sought to find an explanation for my odd thumbs. I just figured, when combined with my feet, I was being taught a divine lesson about avoiding vanity. Then lo and behold! There is a legit medical reason for our thumbs. Clubbed thumbs impact each of my affected siblings in different ways. Amy has normal looking fingers and two dwarf thumbs. My brother Brian is the luckiest of all, since he has one normal thumb and one squat one. As I've previously stated, all my fingers, as well as my toes, look clubbed.

It was the last part of Amy's email that resonated the most, since I absolutely hide my thumbs from people. When sharing a hymn book, I place my whole hand behind to support it rather than have one of my thumbs displayed. I conceal my hands in pictures, try to avoid ordering meals that I must eat with my hands, and never get manicures. While I was in high school, in an attempt to make my hands look more presentable, my mother encouraged me to get acrylic nails. While I doubt they made much of a difference, beautification-wise, I will never forget the first time they tried to fit my thumbs with fake nails and couldn't find a size large enough.

So there you have it. I have dwarf thumbs and wonky fingers. I'm thinking that this must qualify as some sort of disability. What perks could someone with genetically ugly fingers be entitled to? Must do research to find out.

While I'm not sure I'm quite ready to "own" my thumbs like my sister encouraged, I can promise that I will now be more generous with thumb-involved hand gestures. Perhaps someday soon you'll even get a "thumbs-up" from me. If I can work up the courage...

Toddler Woes

Each morning when I come downstairs, there is a ritual I go through before I can officially start my day. It goes something like this:

place toddler in high chair for containment purposes and give him a sippy cup of orange juice

check all cabinet locks to ensure toddler cannot open any doors, especially under the sink where he likes to scavenge through the trash

remove all items that toddler can reach from the table and counter

move kitchen chairs and barstools from their proper place and relocate to laundry room so toddler cannot push them around and climb up to access countertops, light switches, drawer contents, and, as he discovered yesterday, sharp knives

enable the lock on the fridge's water dispenser

push ottoman in front of entertainment center so toddler cannot open doors to push buttons or empty drawers

sweep family room for remotes, books, breakables - relocate to higher area like the mantle

check piano and move any music books to the top of the bookcase

shut and lock all doors upstairs and down, especially bathrooms and office

Once all this is done - and I've gotten quite good at doing it quickly - I can feed toddler and big sisters breakfast, then stand (chairs are gone, you see) and possibly eat a bowl of cereal. What I cannot do, though I want to, is crawl back in bed.

Arachniphobe

I am not a fan of spiders.

While I imagine most people feel this way, I think I've got a very legitimate reason for my spider abhorrence: they are out to get me. For real. They wait until I am at my most vulnerable before they strike. Well, strike might not be the right word to use since I've never actually been bitten by a spider. But they taunt me nonetheless - it's a slow form of torture. Let me share with you two stories that will prove my point:

#1 - One fine Saturday morning when I was about 17, I woke up late and lingered in bed until, at last, I opened my eyes. I then beheld a thick web spun between the spindles of my daybed and the wall. Perched in the middle, about 12 inches from my face, was a large and menacing wolf spider. Words cannot describe the panic I felt. Then came a feeling of horror as I realized just how long that spider must have been there to build a web that substantial. I then considered how close he was to my face. I wondered if he'd taken a path across my pillow to get there.... Thank goodness for my dad who, as head of household and father to 4 girls, had no choice but to eradicate spider threats in our home. My room smelled like Raid for a week.

#2 - The summer after I graduated from high school I traveled to Italy, where I stayed with a very dear friend for two fun-filled weeks. Though my suitcase hadn't made it past Newark, I arrived on time and jet lagged. What I needed most was a nap and a shower. Perhaps it was my groggy state that kept me from noticing - until after I had showered - the voyeuristic spider perched by the towels. I'm not sure what kind of spider he was, but I know he was about the size of a small shampoo bottle. And he was looking at me. I took a picture of him right before he died:

I've had other encounters with spiders in the shower. More than I'd like to count actually. They wait for me there, lurking. I had my husband do routine shower "spider inspections" the summer we lived in a basement apartment. One morning he failed - I found three spiders waiting for me when I got in.

So, now you know why I am anti-spider. This is why, when I see a spider crawling across the floor, I trap it under a cup and wait for Scott to get home to kill it.


Just looking at the picture at the top of this post makes me cringe.

They say all bad things happen in threes...

Here's my proof. In the month of July, the following delightful events occurred:

1. July 8th - Scott gets a flat tire on the Tollway while headed to the airport. We soon realize that all of the tires on his car are crap and need to be replaced. Total cost: $400

2. July 16th - Mid-morning I discover that the fridge in our garage shut off the day before. All of the food contained therein had been sitting, unrefrigerated/unfrozen in our hot garage in the middle of July. What a mess! Melted popsicles and ice cream, spoiled and foul-smelling meat, frozen food thawed and warm. Gross! Total food loss and replacement cost: ~$250

3. July 28 - After noticing that a couple of evergreen shrubs in our yard were browning, we consult a "tree doctor" and discover that all of the evergreen shrubs and trees in our yard (approx. 30) are infested with bagworms. Without treatment, every tree will die. A few already cannot be saved. Cost for treatment: $225; Cost to replace dead trees: who knows?

The bright side?

1. Costco really does have great deals on tires and there is a store located conveniently close to the airport.
2. The fridge is not broken, it just became unplugged somehow.
3. Most of the trees can be saved and the disgusting little bagworms will die.
4. This is why we save money for an emergency (or three).